I was 11 and you were 8

I was 11... You were 8...  

Now, I'm 22 and well matured and well known but now its has been 9 years ....

since I lost you ...

such a long phase of time and things around me has been changed...

but the regret in me is still same why I wouldn't been with you at your last phase of life

why didn't i hold you , and why didn't I told you I am with you ?

I couldn't believe on me that I was not with when you were there on ventilator and taking your few last breaths .

but it was not all my fault

those threes days just ran just like 3 seconds and I was staring everything just like a 11 year old boy who doesn't actually getting whats happening around me but for sure I was scared that I am gona lose you so far.

although I wanted to see you just for a once but till than you ran so far ... so far from me and everyone 

Today I am mature and a self made man who is an ideal and strength for many but when i look back I found myself just a 11 years old boy who had done nothing , exactly nothing for you. You were screaming in pain and I was a fucking ass who even couldn't hug you.

and the biggest joke of the life is ...

today I am a perfect role model and what people call a fucking superhero for many young ones but when you needed me most I was standing there just like a statue 

I don't know what to write from here ...

because the remorse in me just made me silent

why all these happened ?

just simply I can say why ?

today its 29 December 

it have been most awaited day for me before 9 years 

almost before the month we plan for this day 

I use to do all the possible things just to made your day 

I just to made you smile 

but the woeful part is 29 December use to come once in 

every year a will come in future too 

but 

you haven't came since so far you went..

you so far you went ?

Happy Birthday ...

I just wanted to say again 

Happy birthday to my 8 year little brother as his 11 years elder brother.

today I just wanted to re alive all those moments...

i just wanted to decorate all the home for you and hide your gifts 

and bring the cake and invite your friends just to make your day just to make you smile 

and

most important I wanted to say you sorry ..

sorry for doing nothing sorry and not being with you at your last phase for life ...

sorry to not save you from death...

sorry and please forgive me :'(

#RPI #brother #vikash_pal #chotu 

#29_december_1997 to #30_june_2007

#sanam

he is her son's age ...

She love him ...
He admire​ her ...
She is a divorcy ...
He is her son's age ...
thats how one more love story dies ...
#Stolendairies
#sanam

I am not sorry !!

I'm A Widow And A Mother: My Fault Is I Need Sex And I'm Not Sorry...
#stolendairies
#sanam

Understand

I wanted to spend some time with you but I understand you were busy...
I wanted to spend a night with you under the stars and to share what I have in my heart but I understand you were busy...
I wanted to call you...  Just to text you that I need you but I understand you were busy...
I just wanted to hold your hand n just too feel ur presence when no one were with me but I understand you were busy...

But,

today I just wan you to understand that, I had learn how to deal with my loneliness...
I had learn how to talk myself under the stars while missing you ...
I had learn how to stand alone and had faced all the thunders in my life while u was  not there with me...

Now,
Its ur turn  to understand...
No more I need u...
I hope now you understand...

#dedicated
#sanam

Sitting silently

'Sitting  silently, doing nothing, the spring comes and the grass grows by itself.' Sit silently, doing nothing, wait for the spring.It comes, it always comes, and when it comes, the grass grows by itself.You will see great joy arising in you for no reason at all.Then share it, then give it to people! Then your charity will be inner. Then it will not be just a means to attain to some goal, then it will have intrinsic value.

henpeckedness...

she wants to enjoy a little bit  of aggression and fight and nagging, and the poor husband is available, so she become male and the husband becomes female; that is the whole foundation of henpeckedness...
#sanam

selflove

A man who cannot harm himself will never harm anybody. And a man who harms is a dangerous man in a way. If he is not even in love with himself, he is dangerous; he can harm anybody. In fact, he will harm.
#shortstory
#sanam

goldmedal

But the strategy is very simple:
destroy the person's natural love for himself.Then he is so unworthy in his own eyes, he is ready to do anything for a gold medal, just to feel a little worth- that he is also somebody.
#shortstory
#sanam

Yes I am a man...

Yes I am a man...

A man who is self dependent... who can handle everything...
A man who is self made... who made himself in his brokenness...
A man who is self motivated...who clap for himself when no one can see good enough in him...
A man who is perfect ideal for his younger and elder too...
A man who is a super hero for his daughter and son ... he who can bring the moon for them...
A man who shine on the peek of the glory of the success...
A man who stand for everyone with his open arms....
But
It doesn't mean He is who having the perfect frame in his life ....
He too falls.... when he wanted to fly...
He too scattered in the process of framing himself...
He too become hopeless while in search of his moon...
He too get rejected and neglected by his love in his worst...
He too need an guardian angel to protect him by his fears...
He too seated on the top of roofs in the drak nightmare in the search of one fallen star...
He too need someone to hold him in his loneliness To give him a tight hug n says "i am with u ... no matter what ... I love u when no one can do "
Yes #He is a man...
And yes I am that man...
#sanam