I was 11 and you were 8

I was 11... You were 8...  

Now, I'm 22 and well matured and well known but now its has been 9 years ....

since I lost you ...

such a long phase of time and things around me has been changed...

but the regret in me is still same why I wouldn't been with you at your last phase of life

why didn't i hold you , and why didn't I told you I am with you ?

I couldn't believe on me that I was not with when you were there on ventilator and taking your few last breaths .

but it was not all my fault

those threes days just ran just like 3 seconds and I was staring everything just like a 11 year old boy who doesn't actually getting whats happening around me but for sure I was scared that I am gona lose you so far.

although I wanted to see you just for a once but till than you ran so far ... so far from me and everyone 

Today I am mature and a self made man who is an ideal and strength for many but when i look back I found myself just a 11 years old boy who had done nothing , exactly nothing for you. You were screaming in pain and I was a fucking ass who even couldn't hug you.

and the biggest joke of the life is ...

today I am a perfect role model and what people call a fucking superhero for many young ones but when you needed me most I was standing there just like a statue 

I don't know what to write from here ...

because the remorse in me just made me silent

why all these happened ?

just simply I can say why ?

today its 29 December 

it have been most awaited day for me before 9 years 

almost before the month we plan for this day 

I use to do all the possible things just to made your day 

I just to made you smile 

but the woeful part is 29 December use to come once in 

every year a will come in future too 

but 

you haven't came since so far you went..

you so far you went ?

Happy Birthday ...

I just wanted to say again 

Happy birthday to my 8 year little brother as his 11 years elder brother.

today I just wanted to re alive all those moments...

i just wanted to decorate all the home for you and hide your gifts 

and bring the cake and invite your friends just to make your day just to make you smile 

and

most important I wanted to say you sorry ..

sorry for doing nothing sorry and not being with you at your last phase for life ...

sorry to not save you from death...

sorry and please forgive me :'(

#RPI #brother #vikash_pal #chotu 

#29_december_1997 to #30_june_2007

#sanam